Leaves are brown

[leitstern]

Where: Heliodor
When: New Year
Summary: Doubts and insecurities

[New Year. The snow chills his mood and the absence of warmth wipes the smile from his face. Lips press together, turning in disappointment as he looks over his shoulder. The early morning demands they awaken for duty but his husband continues sleeping, oblivious to more than time. He leans forward and rises from their bed. No voice grumbles about the cold. No arm reaches out to make him stay.

He snarls and turns his gaze upon the mirror beside their bed. Fingers curl and clench as he begins inspecting himself; his brow furrowing as he imagines blemishes and wrinkles. He sniffs in disgust about more than foul weather and strips off his gown.

He does nothing to keep his partner warm.]

Comments

[leitstern]

[Jasper leans towards comfort, enjoying it while he can, leaning away after a while. The silence makes his discomfort apparent once he draws back, hands on his knees. Sitting upright, proud of himself. An image recognised more and more for what it is, these days.]

Hardly. I simply wish everyone else would. Especially you.

[Again does Hendrik know what time of year this is?]

[standvastig]

[The two of them have made significant strides in their ability to tolerate, understand, and eventually negotiate with each other. That hardly means that Hendrik knows everything that can send Jasper into upset, even if he can make better educated guesses than before.

He knows Jasper is forcing himself. But he doesn't understand why.]

That makes no sense, Jasper. If I were to take a day off, I would want you to do so, too.

[Because he sees little reason to take time off other than to spend free time with Jasper.]

[leitstern]

[The simple words cut through his needling; merging with his impatience to echo with a sigh and a frown. He clenches his fingers, turns his face away and rises to his feet. There are no glances back as he strolls towards the armoire.]

And why would you? Dare you remember what time of year this is?

[standvastig]

[Dare he blink blearily in confusion at Jasper? It seems like a quick way to getting decked even before breakfast. So Hendrik doesn't answer right away, furrowing a brow at his companion as he tries to think about things that have occurred around this time of year.]

What answer are you looking for? Our engagement or our childhood outing?

[Because both happened around this time of year, and he doesn't know why either of them would be worth being agitated like this for the last few days.]

[leitstern]

Obviously the former.

[Hendrik sends the question his way and he responds as expected; agitated to the point he clenches his fist. He says nothing else until he has stepped into briefs and trousers, trying them around his waist with a belt.]

I believed you would offer some token of affection.

[More fool him, right?]

[standvastig]

[Well now. Even with the answer confirmed, Hendrik can't disguise the fact that he's puzzled by Jasper's behavior.]

Is it typical to celebrate one's engagement date after one is already married?

[Because, if so, he definitely missed the memo regarding that bit.]

[leitstern]

[Jasper pulls on a shirt and fixes the collar, delicate with thumb and forefinger.]

That depends on whether one finds the other...

[Pleasant? Enjoyable? Attractive? He wrinkles his nose.]

Worth the effort.

[standvastig]

That sounds rather nontraditional.

[He rests his elbow on his knee and rests his chin on his fist, watching Jasper continue emphatically putting on his clothes.]

Is that truly what has been bothering you these past few days?

[leitstern]

[Delicate fingers poke and push the folds of his shirt into tight-fitting trousers. The wool scratches his skin, designed to be worn beneath a polished set of armour. He stalks towards their dresser and sits before the mirror. Parts his hair and reaches for a brush.

Except he continues staring at his reflection rather than start pulling. Brows narrow and cheeks sink in uncertainty.]

No. I feel old.

[He hardly asks for sympathy but understanding.]